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I seriously tried not to. I mean, I love these kind of shows, still miss the Battledome...

But I seriously think these kinds of shows are outdated. We live in a 'WE WANT BLOOD!' era... I watch wrestling and I've never seen so much 'color' like nowadays. Not counting the other kinds of professional fights.

Anyway, I was afraid of what I was going to see.

I loved it!

Don't get me wrong: It sucks. Sucks big hairy mammoth balls. But it sucks in this awesomely funny way... I want MORE. Despite Hulk Hogan. (This is completely unrelated to his ability to host the show. I just hate the guy since an erotic nightmare I had after watching Thunder...)

You can be sure we, and by we I mean me and my co-workers, are going to watch it everyday, over lunch.

We are ready, man, we are ready!

Quick impressions of the first episode:
1. Wolf? Is gay. Seriously. Come on, what was that with Chad? Taking care of his opponents all right. In my country we call that something else.
2. Titan looks like he was transported straight from the seventies. How did they find him? Was he frozen in the seventies and was unfrozen for this show? Every time I look at him, I think of Captain America.
3. Toa... Toa thinks he can sing in gibberish and get away with that! Come on, man, only Andy Kaufman could do that and make it seem real. for a few seconds, anyway. Also... LAME DANCE MOVES OVER THE PYRAMID, MAN! You embarrass yourself.
4. Is Justice a Wesley Snipes clone? Or is he the REAL BLADE! *cue suspense music*
5. Fury is... A man with panties, seriously.
6. Crush is the hottest thing I've ever seen. And I'd let Helga take me down any day. The other women? Meh.
7. The gladiator provocations in the Pyramid game... Pathetic. Almost made me cry with laughter.

And that is because I only watched the first half an hour of show...
I was watching the '08 USA elections coverage last week and I noticed something very interesting...

Every single news show was putting the coverage between the Carnival coverage and the 'Volcano erupting in Chile' story.

Kind of express my views on this elections.

You gotta choose between light pornography and a natural disaster, I tell you. Which is which just depends on your own political views.

(I still think the Republicans are the light pornography side. I won't explain that so I won't damage your minds.)


 

Dec. 27th, 2007

From http://www.engadget.com/2007/12/27/fbi-rolling-out-digital-billboards-in-20-cities/:

Employing public signage in the pursuit of suspects is probably about as old as criminology itself, so it's no surprise to see the FBI leveraging the latest technology to erect some of the largest, most versatile wanted posters in history. Thanks to a partnership with advertising giant Clear Channel Outdoor, the G-men will deploy some 150 digital billboards -- capable of displaying fugitives, missing children, or public safety info in real-time -- to 20 major cities around the country, following a successful trial launched in Philadelphia in September. So if you're planning on committing a felony in Des Moines, Iowa or Akron, Ohio soon, better get it done quick, lest your ugly mug become the talk of the car pool during your morning commute. List of all the lucky cities: Akron, Albuquerque, Atlanta, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbus, Des Moines, El Paso, Indianapolis, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Memphis, Miami, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Newark, Orlando, Philadelphia, Tampa, Wichita.

Hey, you guys over there! Yes, you! Congrats in your shiny new telescreens! They are awesome!

But now tell me... When are you going to start speaking Newspeak? It's a cool move now you're adopting Ingsoc. Oh, you're not? Seriously? But I've already started calling Bush the 'Big Brother'. Aw, man, that's depressing.

But at least can we keep the Sixty Minutes Hate with Bill O'Reilly? Cool, I think I can compromise then.

----

No, I'm not going to make a joke about one of this 'telescreens' being set in Minneapolis, let it go!

Although I do wonder if there aren't any ideas of how to use the billboards to catch and send back the 15 million illegal immigrants currently 'plaguing' the US? From '1984' to 'The Running Man'... Brilliant move, brilliant move.
It's just... Unbe-fucking-lievable! STAGGERING! Did common sense just die?

That's when I understand that bunch of fuckers electing BUSH!

Useful Military Warnings

December 18th, 2007 (Posted by Ryan)

"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

(And this, my friends, WAS PRINTED ON THE DAMN LAUNCHER. What they think the fucker is going to do? Probably go: 'Oh, yay, I have military training, I can actually know which way to point the rocket launcher and... WHEEE, SCARING MY UNIT WITH THIS IS GONNA MAKE A WONDERFUL HALLOWEEN PRANK!' Hm. Then again, they elected Bush twice, it's possible.)


"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Army

(Holy shit. This looks translated right from a Taliban alphabetization book.)


"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

(When the pilot, who is supposed to be smarter than the other guys, needs reassurance... Your military is in serious trouble.)


"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal

(Oh, duh. But that's kind of expected from the Infantry, so...)


"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

(This is mean and stupid and... Ooooh, I get it! He tried to make a funny! Didin't work, man. Why don't you go back to shooting your gun? The comedy lovers in the world thank you.)


"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual

(COME THE FUCK ON! I... I have no words to express the sadness.)


"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal

(I have just one question here: HOW CAN YOU LOOK UNIMPORTANT IN A FUCKING WAR? 'Oh, I'll get naked and skip around singing the Sesame Street Theme.'  Of course then the enemy will shoot you just to put you out of your misery.)


"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance

(Or the 'don't leave your naked ass on the window' rule.)


"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal

(And I think: Why the fuck is that? Are you trying to get the guys who steal your shit? 'Oh, hey, I have five seconds... One, two, three, BOOM.' Oh, ok, I get it. I just think you shouldn't underestimate the stupidity of a group of people who elected Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor.)


"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- Col. David Hackworth

('Just don't shit in your pants and you'll pass for someone brave!')


"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal

(What's next? 'In love and war...'?)


"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay

(With this name, man, your unit didn't probably because they were cottaging somewhere in  Minneapolis. Yeah, I know, this one was below the belt.)


"Any ship can be a minesweeper … once."
- Anon

(OOOO, tell me more, person of incredible wisdom!)


"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Army Recruit

(OR HE WILL TRY TO FUCK YOUR ASS! No, really, what kind of people is there that have the need to utter this kind of sentence? Fuck, The first thing you learn IN LIFE is not to tell any person in an authority position you have nothing to do!)


"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies

(Yeah, man. Just go suck on a fag somewhere else! - To get this joke learn British english.)


(And lastly) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
– U.S.A. Ammo

(And finally a good piece of advice! 'How can I recognize him, sir?'  'By his panicked face, the 'get out of there, it's gonna blow' shouts and the sensation of impending doom.')

As a friend just told me: 'The kind of idiot that needs this kind of warning is not a big fan of reading anyway.' Great words, man, great words.

My political views. let me show you them.

Excerpt form a great political discussion that went wrong.

Me: Come on, confess. You love my political views. How can you not love the fact I want Mr. Romney to be 'teh Prez'.

Not me: 'Cause he would make a good cracky slash pair with Ko? Nevermind the future of the WORLD

Me: Nah. It's all the special underwear in the oval office jokes. THEY ARE CALLING ME.

Not me: Hahahaha, the magic underwear!!! It would give him soooo much credibility on international politics!

Me: 'Mr. President, what's that hanging over the fan? A flag?'
'YOU INFIDEL! IT'S MY MAGIC UNDERWEAR! IT ALLOWS ME TO HAVE 82694016834612308463864 WIFES!'
'I wonder how come thy don't laugh when you take off your pants.'
*emo-Romney* 'They all do. I fail.'

Not me: HAHAHAHA

Me: And THAT'S why I want him to be 'teh PREZ'

Not me: And all the wives would have to go on the special dinners and things and it would be a fucking delegation from the US, the ARMY OF ROMMNEY WIVES

Me: WHAT?
THEY WILL BE THE STRONGEST MILITARY FORCE IN THE WORLD. THEY'LL BE UNBEATABLE!
'God, an army of mormon wives. How didn't I think of this before?' Thinks Dick Cheney.
 Then he converts himself.
 But he's so icky none of them wanna touch him.

Not me: 'I was so blind! Lynn, we have to talk and we'll have to get a new sister-wife.. So you know if any of your friends want to jump my old-darth vader like bones?'
'Nope, Dick...they would all prefer to, and I quote, "Die being eaten by a bear with Stephen Colbert laughing at them than jumping you" so... No luck'

Me: Then, we have Emo-Dick. XD

Not me: And he will be so sad that he'll invade Iran or North Korea... Just to take his mind of things

Me: Yes.  And Bush is, as always, jerking off to the demonstration of power.

Not me: in a way, it's nice that he is so predictable. No surprises, no new things... Just incompetence and fake Texan drawl.

Me: Yeah. It's comforting.

Not me: Good ol' Bush.

Me: We can all bet who the next invaded country will be, It's fun.

Not me: (can't believe I said that )

Me: Well, you HAVE to appreciate all his work to turn the world into an unsafer place.

Not me: I mean, yes.. He's doing one heck of a job making us all scared shitless--deserves props for that

Me: Yes. I'm starting to get paranoid myself. I keep having the feeling he'll invade brazil at any moment. 'I WANT THAT TREES! I need to burn all of them, just because I don't believe in global warming.'

And there it is.

Sad news

LOS ANGELES, Dec 4 (Reuters) - Porn star Mary Carey, who shot to fame by running for California governor against Arnold Schwarzenegger, unveiled plans on Tuesday to auction off her autographed, recently removed breast implants for charity.

Mary Carey removed her breast implants? That's a real loss to American politics.

Peanut butter...

...is the best indicative if yours is a third world country.

Is it easily available, is it cheap.

For me, a first world country has abundant peanut butter. Cheap and easy to get.

Is your country a first world country?

Mine isn't.

Political views

Let's state that I live in a Banana Republic. If you have Bananas, and by bananas I mean Money, you rule the place.

The sad thing about it is: the Political arena tend to be kind of boring.

So boring we are now importing parties. Seriously, I swear to god. The ones I'm talking about are the 'Republican Party' and the 'Democrats'. If the other parties decide to merge, I'll leave the country. And I'm pretty serious about that.

It's so bland that the right wing fucknuts are so nuts that nobody can take them seriously. The same for the left wing fucknuts.

And that's why we don't have decent satire. Hell, I'd even rejoice the existence of a Tucker Carlson in the TV here. (Bill O'Reilly is a bit too much for my refined tastes).

But I digress.

Anyway, that's why I am a communist, even if I don't think it would work in the practice. The socialists here are too much of pussies to do anything (also, some of them joined forces with the Christians, and that's just PLAIN WRONG).

You gotta love corporate stupidity.

Even more when you don't work in a corporation.

I work in this small company. We develop shit, for stupid people. And I'm the tech support.

In theory, I'm a sysadmin, but in practice... Greasemonkey and helpdesk.

That clear, let's go to the facts:

- I wasn't trained to work as a sysadmin. Boss wanted to train me. I just know how a network works.

- They did a complete make over in the office, and put elevated floors, so all the electric shit is hidden below it.

'And how is that relevant to your current situation?' I hear some of you ask.

Simple: I can't find a fucking electric socket to turn the monitor on. Why? Because the fonts in the computers around here have a socket to the monitor.

But the server I'm working on, the project that will define if I'm still going to have a job next month don't.

And the guy who could actually get me a cord and plug it under the damn elevated floor... Is doing something in the backyard. A square made of wood, that should already be done. But he's obviously stalling the work, so he doesn't get more heavy work to do. A very much corporative view of his job, I should say.

I'd even applaud his initiative, if I didn't have a deadline.

So I foresee an afternoon of begging and cajoling, so the guy comes up here and do what I need, also a very corporative behavior.

You gotta love corporate stupidity.
Why did I start this blog? I'm not really sure.

'Bout me. Just sayin.

Here I make funnies. Most of the time I don't care what I'm joking about. Don't be angry, sad or annoyed. Sit back, relax and have a good laugh, ok?

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